Hell-loo Burma

After a very unadventurous flight, McBeige and I arrived in Yangon, Myanmar (Burma).  Having had ample time on a flight with an unoccupied toilet, my bladder decided that it was going to wait until I stepped off the plane before it started trying to claw its way out of my body.  With fear that it might be socially unacceptable to make my first appearance in this country with wee running down my legs, I dropped my bags at McBeige’s feet and began to run (a spectacle in itself).  Once at the bathroom, it took me as long to work out the queuing system as it takes Cheryl Cole to count all of her fingers, and in the end I decided there was no system.  I’d got to the stage where I was involuntarily jumping up and down and was again aware that for some of these people I was their first experience of white skin.  I tried to control myself – really I did – but when, after four minutes nobody had emerged from any of the cubicles despite my banging on them with moans of desperation (four minutes is an awfully long time when you’re mentally picturing your insides exploding like a water balloon), I’d decided that there couldn’t possibly be anyone in them.  Using my fingernails I turned the locks from the outside on two of the doors and flung them open.  On both occasions I merely exposed a woman casually sitting with her chin in her hand looking as bored as sin. I genuinely have no clue what could possibly have taken these women so long, but after 12 minutes of waiting I began to feel tears in my eyes.  I don’t know for sure whether this was a result of extreme exasperation and pain, or if it was simply my bladder’s method of finding an alternative escape route.  Having noticed my eyes glistening, a few other women started banging on the doors evidently in fear that I was soon going to plonk myself in the sink.  Alas, it was to no avail and after another eight minutes of waiting I let out a small whimpering howl and gave in.  I then had to endure a drive where every bump in the road felt like a personal insult which lasted 45 minutes until we reached the hostel.  Relief.  Oh sweet, sweet relief.